Column: Prevarication


While I was putting off writing this column, I achieved the following:

1. I wrote a list, at the top of which I wrote (and underlined in red) ‘write column.’

2. I cleaned my desk with anti-bacterial wipes.

3. I made three cups of tea, two of which I lost on route to my desk and one I poured on the desk (hence the anti-bacterial wipes.)

4. I re-wrote my list which became saturated under the weight of tea, then re-wrote it when it became soggy under the strain of anti-bacterial wipes.

5. I rang and booked the MOT for my car, an act so delayed in itself, that the garage suggested they book me in then pick my car up in future.

6. I wrote this on my list(no #3) then crossed through it in satisfying red ink.

7. I wiped my phone with anti-bacterial wipes after discovering grime circa the landline’s installation and more tea.

8. I wrote this and crossed it off the list as well.

9. I went to make a cup of tea then a voyage of discovery to find other beverages lost on-route to previous task.

10. I remade the tea after it became the temperature of a tepid puddle due tio voyage of discovery.

11. I switched the dishwasher on to accommodate myriad mugs used to accommodate lost and/or tepid tea.

12. I made another cup of tea.

13. I sat down on the sofa for a rest, exhausted by tasks so far and sipped tea that was indeed hot without spilling it.

14. I turned on the telly with a view to research column.

15. I feel asleep.

16. I awoke re-invigorated and inspired to write column on yet-undetermined subject.

17. I headed to desk, with a quick stopoff to make a fresh cup of tea to replace one now cold after accidental snooze.

18. While I was there I emptied the dishwasher.

19. I headed to my desk and wrote ‘turn on and empty dishwasher’ then crossed it out in red.

20. I wrote my column at work.

This appeared in Johnson Press titles including the Lancashire Evening Post HERE