Column: Grinch-mas

 The Grinch The Grinch

Even I, celebrated Grinch of our town, am failing to withstand the torrent of festive bunkum being levelled at our minds, our inboxes, our eyeballs, but mainly our purses as December beckons.

But now even the pre-Christmas sales and ‘offer-of-a-lifetime’ deals of one per cent off are not enough for souls desperately seeking the perfect gift for loved ones and themselves.

It was a black day when somebody stuffed Black Friday in their suitcase after a trip to the US and offered up it up to the large retail chains as another way of selling over-priced stock with a fiver off and therefore sparking scenes reminiscent of a feeding frenzy in a slightly less elegant Koi carp pond.

The irony of this is the average British person pours scorn on the concept, with full knowledge that nine out of 10 sales offer little in the way of a bargain.

Scepticism is alive and well, but then the little bit of our brain that once hunter-gathered for sustenance in a dog-eat-dog prehistoric time kicks in and we go all gullible.

There is something in our collective national psyche, surface-hardened, which melts at the promise of a chance to beat the Joneses with 20% off and we are all queuing for Black Friday or Christmas sales, first in the queue at dawn or eagerly scouring online from the comfort of our sofa and cursing at the message ‘out of stock.

There is no point resisting this need to buy.

In fact I would recommend purchasing a few items that inevitability do not fit, work or have any earthly use after day one (foot spa, spiralizer, lacy jumpsuit, ugly sweater spring to mind).

That process is a far more effective future purchasing prevention strategy as resistance is futile and it is not so much why as when.

The presence of numerous trip objects in your home is a timely reminder of our human susceptibility as consumers and at the very least, we have contributed to the economy.

Well that’s my rationale.

Because now this Grinch has given in and is not only (somewhat late to the party)the proud possessor of a Christmas jumper but may even peruse the shelves on Black Friday (albeit at a reasonable hour when the shop is half bare.)

Heck, I may even buy a spiralizer and a luxury foot spa at 20% off because at the very least I can relax with soft feet in my sweater and spiralize my credit cards.

This previously appeared at LEP.CO.UK