Column: Dislike

 Facebook is introducing this dislike button. Dislike.

Dislike. Dislike..

Now while I am struggling to gather massive enthusiasm for the ‘breaking news’ (please note sarcastic use of single quote marks for emphasis – which I also dislike) that Facebook is introducing a dislike button, I can confirm I am going to use this opportunity to rant on about annoying things on said social media channel.

But where to start?

Well I do actually like Facebook.

It is a useful tool for us journalists and for keeping in touch with friends and family, who I may not be able to be bothered to speak to otherwise (dislike.) I myself am guilty of many a Facebook faux pas, I’m sure, but I’m still a fan – though Twitter is my favourite.

However, for posterity, and to anyone who will read this, here are the things I dislike:

1. Humblebragging of all types. If you have won an award, be loud and proud, not falsely modest and self-effacing. If you really were modest, you wouldn’t have put it on Facebook.


2. No, I do not want to play Farmville.


3. I am not cutting and pasting any vomity poems or stories about sisters/mothers/brothers/loved and lost ones.

Don’t play on my guilt and innate self-loathing, this is not self affirming or charming it is a chain letter and if money is involved, a pyramid scheme.


4. Your children will not thank you for that picture of them on a potty. Yes, they have pooped independently, but pictorial evidence is not required and cannot be unseen.


5. So you had an amazing day and are very excited at your jawdropping news.

If you are not prepared to share the information you may as well post ‘I am desperately needy and require attention.’


6. Too much information,

Please restrain yourselves.

I’m British.


7. Why have you liked your own status?


8. Please do not poke me unless you know me very well.

This constitutes Facebook assault.


9. Smug relationship status posts.

Congrats you are a homo sapien. Though I was wondering…


10.People too cool for Facebook.