Column: Do not marry self

 Who needs a partner anyway|? Well it helps. Note, this is my friend Emilie Mercer. She did get married to the lovely Kelvin and not just to herself. Also pictured glam chief bridesmaid Kate. Pic is copyright to Emilie.

As an unmarried woman (I know, it’s a shocker but us supermodel types have high standards) I can’t say I spend my days desperately wishing for the wedding day I have so far missed out on.

I have been to enough (absolutely lovely) days to know they are fun, but possibly harder work if you are the subject of intense scrutiny for signs of bridezilla behaviour and/or cellulite.

I cannot say I have spent any time at all wondering about the dress I would have worn (which by now I would probably regret anyway) or thinking about my poor sister bereft of meringue-style bridesmaid duties. I have never wondered what sort of cake I would order or how my wedding would be better than my cousin’s or my brother’s. And I have absolutely never pined over the loss of not ordering a chocolate fountain.

Of course, I’m not against weddings, but firmly of a belief they are a means to an end. What use a super wedding and super-miserable marriage after all? Though I’m all for a good night out.

Which is why – and I would argue there is no need for further evidence that the world has gone mad – I feel slightly nauseous at the latest initiative from the fountain of bonkers that is Japan. Now on offer – weddings for single people.

Not single people who will marry another single person but just you on your own. With a dress, a wedding ceremony, a cake and no doubt a crowd of friends and relatives all there to say you look beautiful before drinking all your booze and doing the conga.

Oh, and you can rent a model-a-like groom if you feel you need him. Just as an accessory, obviously, and presumably to match your shoes.

I don’t even need to say that this is all types of wrong. That is even without referencing the feminist movement . To me this latest fad seems to mock women. Hardly helpful and frankly pretty demeaning.

But what’s next? How about attending your own funeral, while alive? You could give your own eulogy and help scatter ashes before partying at the wake.

Or maybe not.

This column appeared in Lancaster Guardian. Click HERE